Saved a friend from hiccups after he had it for 3 hours.

friend> I had hiccups for 3 hrs
friend> Im seriously suffering guys
me> i figured out something that cures my hiccups nearly instantly.. i swallow some air and trap it in my throat, then i swallow on top of that as rough as i can
me> do you know the trick of swallowing something and then being able to bring it back up again
me> where you trap it in the throat
friend> hmmm
friend> dont think so
friend> I tried doing what you just said
friend> but didnt work
me> it has to be done as rough as possible
me> swallow the air as rough as possible and trap it then swallow again on top of it
me> swallow more air on top of it i mean
friend> wow you my friend are a fucking genius
friend> the hiccups actually gone
friend> on your crazy little invention

No! For the last time, I am NOT interested in joining your organization, donating to your organization, or meeting up with you every week to discuss your crazy, boring old book!

It’s poorly-wrtten fiction and you think it’s real! Well guess what? There IS not such thing as eternal life! There IS no magical immortal dude who’s gonna save you from your own stupid shit on the paradoxical condition that you obsess over him and love him unconditionally!

All that baloney in your book – it’s just made up by some uneducated hack to brainwash and take advantage of vulnerable people and has no relevance in today’s society!

And yet you go around, distributing millions of copies of it, forcing it down people’s throats, using it to subvert the minds of CHILDREN, no less, so that they’ll get a grossly inaccurate view of the world and grow up socially maladjusted! That’s practically child abuse! It sickens ME! YOU sicken me! Now take that MIND POLLUTION away from here and throw it in the bin if you know what’s good for you!

Every sensible, rational person despises you people, you know. We all wish you’d shut the hell up and stop annoying us with your dumb, delusional cult and its daft book. You’re holding us back and the only reason we aren’t making your shit illegal is because we feel sorry for you in the same way that we feel sorry for retards in general! Now GET LOST!

Bat-Amen!
excerpted from NSFW Comics

Truer words never spoken.